Monday, September 19, 2011

The president of my anatomy

If there were a president that has power over others in your anatomy…what would it be?

For me, it shall be my bladder.

She’s the queen

The most powerful influence over my body.
 It no matters where or when this system simply governs all over my sense of urgency.

I remember my worst experience with my bladder, back then I was still in my guiding years. We went for a river cruise and I can’t remember why i ended up in that situation.
Its either I drank too much of water before or while on the boat Or I simply forgotten to make my final visit to the toilet before the program starts.

But I guess if it would have been someone else that situation will not occur as bad as how I experienced it.

The whole time in the boat, us; guides has our own water supplies as much as we recommended our tourist to do so. So there I was with my 1 liter bottle. The cruise took about 3 hours maximum.

While sitting on the boat which is another approximately 1 hour before we reach the lodge, I felt that I need to go. But I hold it and thought I could hold on to it if it’s only 30 minutes. But… I was wrong.

Within the first tinge of pain in my bladder it started to become worst instead of disappear. It gets worst even more until I started to rock my body, my feet, my legs, my neck and I started boxing the top of my knee ( I have no idea who taught me that…maybe my mom) but it didn’t go away and even worsening.

That is when I have this wild imagination.
1)      Asked my fellow colleagues to cover for me.
How : Pretend that they spot a group of monkey on the trees and I sneak out of the boat quietly while they interestingly brief the tourist about the whole family managerial system of the monkeys or they can talk about the types of trees; explaining about the scientific name and may cover the medicinal values too.
Why it didn't occur: There were no monkeys sighting. It was not a good animal sighting day and we have seen all different kind of trees along the river and pretty much none of it has medicinal values.

2)    I will go to the back of the boat and finish my business
How: I could sneak out from my middle row seat to the back and while the engine running I shall complete the process so that nobody could hear my ‘pipe-water-flow’.
Why it didn't occur: The boatman is A…man. Also there were other boats behind us and…oh come on do I need to explain? was a stupid idea!

Knowing that all the above is not gonna work, I started to become pessimistic and it went to my imagination

3     My bladder just explodes.
How: The tourist notice a sudden water flow on the floor of the boat and my khaki pants were wet and the amount of piss is as much as half a liter (judging from the pain)
Why it didn't occur: I prayed. I prayed that my life won’t be over just yet.

So I started to find other method. I stand and seat, stand and seat…over and over again. I loosened the button of my pants. I slap my face, bite my knuckles…I did everything.
Still not working to make it disappear I switch tactics; I begged my colleagues and boatman to return to the lodge immediately. They refuse as they want to avoid potential complaints from the tourist as there were still not much of animal sighting that day. But I beg and beg.

Eventually they give up and to this day I’m not sure if they really did it for me or based on their own reasons. All I know within 15 minutes of that last stand I moved to the front row of the boat and sat next to a tourist who I didn’t show any concern or courtesy at all as I was busy praying.
As soon as the boat approaching the jetty (Note : approaching not reached.) I jumped and ran as fast as I can to the nearest toilet. It was heavenly.

But….to my dismay….I did not think the amount of fluid match my imagination. It turns out probably less than 250 ml…and last not more than 2 minutes…well actually there may not be a factual proof or record but…so I feel..
It was the worst happening in my life in relation to my bladder and that is why it deserves to be The President of My Anatomy.

the vice president shall be my intestines…in terms of defecating. It didn’t earn it from its standard in urgency but just going through the process its almost majestic…especially after spicy food….i shall leave that subject with no explanation…

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