happiness in marriage

a husband and wife truly loves each other when both has a sense of equality among each other.

A richer husband may not make a poorer wife happier and so vice versa.(materialistically or spiritually)

But...

You always see an equally poor couple is those who stay together for the rest of their life so is an equally fair couple 

Pursue equality.

Praying for the Oppressor.

Recently i posted about my belief in Karma : What you give ; you get back...kind of thing titled Let It Be
That we shall not repay any pain others inflicted onto us rather let God do his work.

Then i get reply from my fellow blogger ibumadeeha ; that its better we pray of goodness towards our oppressor regardless how nasty they are because its what being advised by Nabi SAW.

At the beginning i thought...its not that easy to practice this action especially when you are hurt...it might seem like hypocrisy.

But as i drive home i thought about it and...Alhamdullilah i was blessed by good people around me...
She was right....

My blog says 'Let It Be'
that means...im letting it be.
Im letting my oppressor rule my life! Because i agree and submit to the fact that they are doing nasty thing onto me...only i am hoping that there shall be a reckoning day in the end. But nevertheless im letting them doing so.

But if i pray goodness for the oppressor, not just im NOT letting them to govern over my emotion but i also took the proactive steps to make myself feel better.
Praying for them is not all about 'praying for them' but it is also about sowing a seed of goodness and positiveness into our own soul.
Praying for them means we are nurturing our own self towards a happier emotion.
Praying for them is actually making us feel worthy about our own self.
Praying for them is actually praying for our own well being.
Praying for them is forgiveness.
and
Forgiveness is Closure.

Once there is a closure then there shall be no  necessity to linger over the matter. ^_^

Whether they will soon got their payback; that is not up to our personal concern and shall not be our biggest interest.
Our job is to make our self  feels pleasant about life and the world.
Rather than anticipating the others get their vindication.

Thank you ibumadeeha ^_^
such wisdom....

nak hijrah...

Ke London?!

bukannn...hehe
Nak hijrah kepada kehidupan yang TIDAK memikirkan perkara-perkara menyedihkan, menyakitkan hati, tiada faedah, mengecewakan etc etc...

Hijrah kepada peribadi yang Lapang Dada dan mendalami makna Tawadduk

 InsyaAllah ^_^ ini mission statement 2012...Amin...

all picture credit from : http://demikeluargaku.blogspot.com/2010/02/hadits-tentang-sedekah.html

Dinner last night

When i went to the Fruit and Veggies market in Penampang the other day, i bought an Avocado which cost RM5...yeah...only 1 fruit.

But it proves to be of good quality.

I didn't mix any sugar just condensed milk.Looks like an ice cream or more like gelato.

It reminds me of the scene from the scariest movie 'The Exorcist'...i wonder how much gallon of avocado juice they used to film the scene...

 

Let It Be.

 biar Allah saja yang balas :

A) Kejahatan orang tu

@
B) Kebaikan kita

Tiada siapa yang lebih mampu dari Allah ^_^

Kalau bukan dia yang mendapat pembalasan atas perbuatannya, kita yang akan mendapat balasan atas perbuatan diri sendiri.

Things you did for your kids.

Yesterday when im about to send my son to the nursery he lets me know that he doesn't want to meet his teacher that day..meaning he doesn't want to go to the nursery and rather went out for leisure.
So i have to create a sentence so that i could make him feel positive before i have to went away for work. So i said 'Mommy promised we WILL go out tomorrow' and he accept that.

At work i started to think of an idea where we should go as its the public holiday of Deepavali.
Without haste i decided we shall go to the Lok Kawi zoo (again...) but this time i promised them that they will ride the elephant as we missed that part last February.

We arrived at 10:35(i actually look at my watch and set time record as i planed to spend the WHOLE day at the zoo) As we went in, we quickly went to the Animal Show. It was crowded due to the public holiday.It lasted for about an hour and there were more shows compare to the afternoon session we watch last time.
The show was interesting especially the part when they took out the Python from underneath the viewers seat. Also the 'police and thief' show with the parrot. The parrot actually trained to roll back and play dead whenever the ranger show a pistol sign with his hand.It was great because you can see how the parrot does it in...slow motion hahaha!

starting off

seriously watching the show

crowd that day

share reading map....

Mowgli in action

The Human contestant against the Ape

legs and its many uses

First Human winner in the Zoo

Police and Thief game

roll out and dead

Tara touching snake...

but first she did hypnotize the snake...while ayman become her assistant

So after the show we find a hut and had our lunch...i actually made some fried rice from home...(i am determined that we must last a day at the zoo)
After lunch at about 1pm we started to look around and in total my husband took about...400 pictures...(as im writing now, i also deleting some old photos due to low disk space...)

The elephant ride starts at 2pm and i usher everyone to the riding section. My husband were talking to my kids and indirectly tells me that i will ride with the kids and i calmly refuse and ask him to replace me.
Yeah actually i don't fancy it that much...more like afraid of doing it...its just a sudden feeling i had when we were approaching the section. I told my husband i don't feel like it and he quickly reject and insist i did it...i don't know why...maybe he has the same feeling like i did?...i mean he doesn't like cat and jumps every time our pet bunny ran at him. (that was before we had our first child)
So...i....just had to do it.

I was nervous the whole time until we saw the elephant came into the section. When its our turn to ride the elephant i was repeating Bismillah countless time...Just as we started ; the elephant become disoriented and failed to take instruction it just linger around at one place sniffing of what happens to be its droppings...i was already reciting God and praying nothing bad to happen but my imagination already runs wild...I HAVE MY KIDS WITH ME!....but thank god we had a good driver and he manage to advise the elephant to stay calm and continue on. I did not enjoy the whole ride at all. I just hope it all ends quick..i just had these graphic imagination of elephant amok...(that's the negative effect from exposing yourself to graphic image...)...but....My kids enjoy every bit of it...^_^

Elephant Ride.

Satisfaction.

the boy that got his request fulfilled (walking tiredly)

Things you did for your kids.
Endure your Fear.

After the elephant ride i had these relieve feelings and able to smile honestly with my teeth out. We went for a Tram ride and as expected we finish at 3:30pm.

Tram Ride

heading home

We drive around to Penampang area, stop over at the fruit and veggies market and drive home. The kids were already sleeping inside the car and my husband carry them home.
At 5pm the whole house were sleeping.

After an hour nap i woke up to watch the final series of my favorite Chinese soap drama.

It really is a day...Well Spent ^_^

visions.........

Lately....

I have visions...at the back of my eye's mind i saw my kids walking around at Mountain Lodge, Kundasang, Kota Kinabalu, Sabah, Planet Earth. <--still in hazy mode.

Mountain Lodge...i gotta say is an important place.
To be honest...its where Ayman and Tara's parents met.

Its a beautiful place that always covered in mist and it has a small garden at the back and a small hut near the staff house where i use to sit and sing along listening to my walkman while waiting for my laundry to finish in the staff washing machine.

When i was a guide we normally bring tourist to stay at this lodge for a 3 days and 2 nights. Interestingly i never once being bored coming to this place.
Its just had a mystical feeling when you see the flowers especially the bamboo orchid that sometimes stood still while the mist slowly passing over it like a spirit.

 not in Mountain Lodge but in Kinabalu park,Kundasang. See the mist in the background.

thick mist almost like a cloud...very imaginary

almost like this

Bamboo Orchid

I have a lot of great memories in this place too.
And a lot of positive feelings.

This is almost like the view from inside the Mountain Lode rooms but this one taken from Puncak Borneo Resort...seriously the balcony door is made of glass...you can see the mist pass through anytime of the day without going out ^_^...just sitting by the bed from night to morning and watch the mist....uuuu...

So this one night when i was getting ready for bed, usually i would call up to my imaginative mind to help me out creating a stage platform for me to imagine -> visualize -> until it absorb and become my dream. Usually it didn't last long no matter how much i wanted it. When i am totally asleep that stage platform will be gone.
Its like you know like in the Matrix movie, they can create any setup of location...a telephone booth, a martial arts room, a castle...you name it.

But on this particular night as i close my eyes i saw my son and daughter in their jacket walking down the cement road at Mountain Lodge.
It was strange but very uplifting indeed ^_^.

So these visions continues here and there, then and now. Like earlier at the meeting room i saw it again...at least in my mind's eye. But... this time, it overlaps with another image...my childhood memories.

Am i crazy?stressed out and need a get away?or am i simply...visionary?i think that applies to the Mountain Lodge image but my childhood?....Am i going back time like the Michael J Fox  movie Back to the Future?haha

 Picture may look like it was taken in the 70's but no...im younger than that haha...i guess our technology is outdated by 10 years during those time.

Im not so sure what it meant yet...but its really pleasing watching my kids walking around that little garden with table in the middle and just enjoying the mist out there...

Is it my inner nature calling out for an adventure or a get away?...hmm i guess hehe.

Haters

I like this quote shared by my sister in Facebook.

Its true...

Haters has stronger impact in our life.

Hate is a more powerful emotion rather than love.

I guess people who have a lot of hate also has too much going on in their life too. In other words...their life seems interesting. (Note i said 'seems')

While lovers has a simpler and peaceful life.

I know someone who is not ashamed expressing her hate towards a higher ranking work colleague. 

Yes, indeed she have a lot of going on in her life.

I think we should pity haters ; nstead of returning back elements of unpleasantness towards them.

They did not enjoy the pure love by someone...if they were a hater since like 10-15 years ago that's even more pathetic although that explain that they're also 10-15 times more miserable than others and tend to make others miserable.

Its easier pulling others down to the same position as us rather than climb up to the same position of others.

Its sad.

But that's her problem...not mine.  ^_^

Have a great day haters!

That frown belongs to you today ^_^
That long face is yours to succumb.

Not mine.

My House.

Recently a friend of mine asked me about my experience on how i bought my apartment. 

Its about the procedure between purchasing the house and withdrawal money from the account number 2 in KWSP to pay the excess fee and to cover for the deposit due to failing to get 100% loan from the bank.

Its technical...

and i started to reminiscing my memories...

It only took me two months to finish the whole process. That was when my son was 7 months old in my womb and we got the key to enter the house at about 8 days before my son was born.

Actually i've already talk my son into it...(yeah believe it or not, you can actually communicate with your baby even they're still in womb...)

I told him to help us ease the process and get through the whole process successfully before he is born.

With a large stomach i went through the purchasing process, withdraw money at KWSP, sign contract of agreement with the lawyer etc etc...but during all those time. I never once view the apartment. 

Only my husband went for the 'show house' process. I only get few imagination from my husband's report.

Until we get the key on the 8th of May, i visited the house once at almost night so i did not have any certain feeling yet. I remember it was dusty and spacious with white walls and a large glass sliding window.

I started to have a dream to buy my own house since i was 24 years old. I tried to do so when i was still in Sandakan but failed to get enough deposit.

When i knew i was pregnant (after moving in with my mother in law at Kota Kinabalu) i become more determined.

It was February when we went to Shangri La Rasa Ria with my husband ( i won a free stay of 2 days 1 night in the hotel) on the way back from the hotel to our rented room we pass the housing area (soon to be where we live) and we drive around and walk around the place. 

There were 2 phases. The green section which is smaller and cheaper and the Orange one which is more spacious and more expensive.

At that time i set my dreams lower...im a very realistic person. 

Those days i was only paid RM800 for my basic salary.(@_@)...RM800.

So we went to the city to have our lunch and we went to the Kota Kinabalu central market where its facing the sea.

We were standing there quietly and watch the sea. There seems to be lot of things to watch that day as my mind was wandering and actually more like wishing.

I had these visions that i will buy a house. 

By hook or by crook.

I visualize i have my own place to stay. I did not vividly imagine how everything looks like, of the kitchen, toilet and all. I just have this concrete feeling that i will have a house.

Starting from that moment i proceed on the whole procedure.

I asked for the General Manager (where i worked)courtesy to alter my pay slip from RM800 to RM1800.(....@_@....) to become qualify as buyer.

I remember wearing my white sleeveless pregnant dress that is already way to tight while signing the LPO(letter of purchase order)with the middle person from the developer i think her name is Aslin.

Also that time i wore that blue pregnant mini dress in that law firm where i have seen the most file stack up from one another.

It took me only 3 months.... miraculously from that day in the market watching the sea. 

And it was in the Orange section.

When we moved in we did not have much.

We only brought one mattress, few pillows, few blanket and a gas cooker.

We use the blanket hang it here and there as a curtain....

It was so paucity!haha

We sleep on the floor and use ONE small sitting fan for the 4 of us. (me, husband, my newborn baby and my mom in law)

When we talk it echoes! hahaha....emphasizing on the emptiness of the apartment.

Those were the days....

But today...Its been 4 years and 5 months...the same age of my son.

There has been some improvement.

It does not echo anymore.

It has curtain.

And...

A Family.

on our backpacks...

I decided that we as a family of four.

MUST

at least had 2 or 3 family get away in a month. So for October we went for a train ride.
Starting from the station at Tg. Aru to Beaufort.

route

water supplies

starting off

inside the train

on journey

4 years old watching the world

Daddy's Girl

arriving on location and yawning.

We shall do it again ^_^

Gourmet Food Vs Diarrhea.

Actually this is probably the third day?or is it the fourth that im on Diarrhea...it was started with Gastric pain until later they decided to tag team.

Recently i wrote about Marvelon pills right..this is exactly im talking about.
As per this month i will have to go through Gastric associated with Diarrhea.

But does that stops me from coveting for gourmet food?...No...i have tested the 7 Ultimate Cheese Pizza by Pizza Hut...i didn't took any picture as i was fighting my diarrhea in silence after a slice and a half...not bad...here's the official picture from the internet

That round thingy in the middle is actually the cream cheese...i was wondering why not mix it altogether like the other 6...why stood in the middle?is it because people actually eat cream cheese like eating a scoop of ice cream?...hmm

After those i will start devouring these...

Its blueberry cheese cake from Secret Recipe.
For the cake is a take away from last night dinner at 1 Borneo. It was a mini celebration for my daughter birthday as my husband isn't available on the actual date which is today : 22 October 2011.

So i guess...i can't really tell how delicious these food were as it didn't last in my body for the supposed time.

My guess it'll only last for...30 minutes.

How to avoid sleepiness

This is the third day i become the minute taker for our sections presentation.

No matter how interesting the topic is...or in my case intriguing...yet my eye balls seems to dislocated and has a bad case of gravity.

So i started to wonder what may be the cause for sleepiness, is it just bored?

or our mind not in an interactive action or...simply lack of sleep.

After the third day i think...its all about the combination.

But...

The most effective way to stay awake is to keep moving any organs of your body especially joints and repeatedly make small stretching.

Maybe we feel sleepy due to slouching, or the same sitting position for quite some time.

So that is what i did today with my feet, waist and shoulder...yeah you can imagine im dancing on my chair ^_^

all picture credit : internet

Marvelon Pills

I started taking contraception pills since 2008, after the birth of my daughter. At the beginning i took Rigevidon as per advise by the nurse. At the time i don't know how to choose and i could not even discriminate between one another i thought that they are all the same. 

As i took the pill, slowly its taking control over my hormone and before i know it also took control of my mind which i almost lose and almost taking over my life.

During these time i was desperate, agitated and tempestuous at all times. 

My heartbeat also irregular.

I was nausea, losing appetite but at the same time gaining weight.

I realized i have to change pills when i feel a sudden chest pain (on the left side...where the heart is) when i were angry.

I also had visions of suicide...yes. It was that bad.

So i made that hard decision to switch to a different contraception pills. So the nurse gave me Marvelon as trial.

That was somewhere in the middle of 2010.

Slowly my peaceful and calmer mind comes back to me.
But...of course it also has side effect.

I started to have a bad case of flatulence.

And everytime im approaching to the 'rest pill' period of 7 days(this is when menstruation happen) i would have all kinds of weird and seldom sickness.

It would start as early as 18 days before the actual date of menstrual week.

Sickness such as swelling, scabies, fever, migraine, toothache, diarrhea and a lot other common and even weird sickness (one time my upper lips swollen to the side)

Also at least once during these 18 days i would have an explosion of anger. Most of the time because of trivial reasons...thank god at least once.

So now after a year and a half taking Marvelon i have no other complaint than that, recently i was thinking to switch pills again or at least try a different contraception.

The doctor suggest me to take IUD. Which cost RM450.

I don't know but some people spend hundreds to have kids...and im spending hundreds NOT to have kids?.

Its not worth it.

So i guess i would stick to my flatulence, my single explosion of anger and weird or common sickness every month.

Yesterday i had Gastric...with a combination of diarrhea.

The doctor suspect pregnancy but i told him im on Marvelon. He advise me never to miss pills as missing 2 pills (2 days without pill. My record is 1 and a half day i just double dose it...huhu) because after 2 days there shall be no protection at all towards pregnancy.

boy....i just knew that.

Anyway, if you were thinking to take contraception pills...i may not highly recommend Marvelon

 

how the package look like

But at least...its waaaaaay better than Rigevidon.^_^