I do…in fact for a dangerous amount of time until I become self-vindictive, self-criticize and blaming own self…seriously that is highly hazardous to my own self esteem.
Everyday in and out i came to check about my action on how I treat others, how I react to others…Now, if its beneficial there should be nothing I should worry about right, but at times I can be an ass of self-justify and stood strongly over my own convictions.
Do I assess myself and deal with it as a kind or reflection and tag it along with the intention to improvise or to learn some useful value from every action? OR do I regard is as part of my pride being who I am and unleash my character which at times (as a smart ass) I became proud of.
Well I guess at times…
Usually the best time I caught myself doing what im doing is normally at the workplace.
I can appear as a businesslike person and usually moves at faster speed, I can be hasty in my movement and speech and sometimes talk too fast as if I needed to go to the toilet urgently.
I also appear sort of tactless and careless in my work, dropping pen during taking notes and missing signatures in letters.
My HOD has comment me a few times that I do not have to rush while doing my task (I guess that includes rush him into giving me task either)and I think he probably chuckle about my eagerness.
And I have a nasty habit of rocking my legs under the table while doing paperwork.
Do I really a busy person who has a lot of task to accomplish? = NO.
Am I anxious ? = I usually am but after 6 months of peaceful and calming work environement. I suppose there is less bloodflow in my amygdala due to a less stress circumstances.
Is this really who I am? The typical busy-bee and agile pedestarian around the office?..Then ; define ‘personality’.
So I wiki :
Personality is the particular combination of emotional, attitudinal, and behavioral response patterns of an individual-http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personality-
Came into mind.
Why such personality of eagerness?....
Am I too desperate to get a permanent job at the place im currently in or this is how I normally behave in every place I work or used to worked.
Do I really need the money?
It could be the very reason why I act the way I act at work is simply because, these people in my life.
Not just because they’re my descendants, the one that carry my legacy, but also because they come out from my womb.
My promise to God.
I shall stood by to cherish them.
To see they leap on where I fall.
To maximise my time with them filled with joy for as long as the time given.
To prepare them the future and its behold.
And make them savour the meaning of happiness and gratification.
.... yes, my justification for spilling drinking water over paperwork and speak in 250 wpm (word per minute) is because the love for my children…..(you can roll out and laugh now ^_^)