Saturday, October 8, 2011

no reason.

We live in different time than others, in diffrent words and colors.
Some accelerates creativity, some cherish values and some excel in simply living.
We may not know what become of ourselves in 5 years from now, we may not be happy of what we have and had at this time we currently in.

At times life hit us to the ground and still not done about it.

Yet still, that does not give us every reason to slander others and be fulfilled about it.
We went to my mother in law for our usual weekly visit, we are lucky that they live just 20 minutes from our apartment.
My mom in law were chit-chating passionatley while preparing lunch and then she come up with the subject of her good friend who wanted to come along  to my place whenever my mom in law came for a visit.
At once i blurted  out rejection. Not waiting for any second to pass by i explained my reason ; i caught her slandering  me back in  June  during my husband's brother wedding...Although indireclty (they always do it indirectly!) i  know exactly what she meant.
I know im a lazybone and difficult to talk to (as i always do all the talking) but i do not need people to point me that.
I would appreciate if people accept me as a person that they not know about so there shall be no jurisdiction. I would not go around mingling others business and tell them what to do and what not to do. Except if they are my friends and family or somebody who asked for it. Because im a smart -ass and a smart-ass always get the door in the face and so im  nurturing myself to hinder from such habits.

So there i go telling my mother in law about what i think of the particular person habit of slandering,  she listens and finally reply my comments that she realized  that her friend is scandalous in speech but she don't mind because she understands why she react that way, it was because  her husband has left her and married another and she is stressed. My mom in law explained she noticed these  since her friend were having marital problem  she became somewhat deranged and stress out about  whats going  on around her..(including others business?) and somehow us ; as everyone in her life must rather be patient about her slandering habits and forgive her as we do not know how much it hurt to be her at this usual. I reject the idea.

Your husband leave you, not my fault. Its either your fault or his fault.

Seing bad in others surely makes us feels good at times because it made us aware that God created us all the same.
It also feels good because it made us feel that God is not angry at us alone...(another denial of being lonely)
It even makes us feels good because it diverts our attenttion from our own problems and adversity. builds self-esteem...although negative self esteem.

Honestly when we slander others ; we are not really in for hurting the particular person and made them feel bad about their own self.
Sometimes we could'nt tell it to their face because we know it'll hurt them  (of course it will) but...nevertheless we still do it.
Is it fun, delicious and satisfying?...if slandering is a food i  think it would easily regard as cookie.
Everybody loves cookie.
Yes it satisfying, why? well not all slandering is really to make the other person miserable, slandering is also to release somekind of oppresion we felt againts the  particular person...but to some extend or limit.

A lot of people already know the truth about themselves.
Some appreciate it if you do not talk about it because they know their own  weakness. Others don't mind if you talked about it and would repeat the same action over and over again out loud because they are proud about it.

Somehow that does not make any either two is better than both.

I guess we have to work on ourselves to avoid of being slander from others. It is not up to the other end to decide whose evil and whose not.

The particular person comment that im not a good daughter in  law, but she also talked about her daughter who never gave her money for her expenses, and later talked about my mother in law's fourth daughter in law(im the first) of being not so good. (you know their comments always come out moderately but you know they meant the worsts)

I know its  hard that her husband of many years abandoned her. But again  that does not give her a reason to point out that im not a good daughter in law (a.k.a wife).

So here we are to decide what is the outcome.
If i still feel strongly about her slander towards me that shall mean that i have not forgive her.

So does it mean if i agree to invite her to my apartment that would be as a sign of forgiveness?...
I can't answer that.
Maybe im hard on forgiveness but there is also a lot of reasons such as :

  • why the hell she wanted to visit my house?
  • Last time she visited my place 6 years ago before im married ( i rented a room in a 4 bedroom house with friends) she went to every place in the house with suspicious eyes ...actually its more of an inspection rather than a friendly visit ...
  • she's potentially possesive not ashamed of rumaging over drawers and fridge, take or eat with a sense of earning symphaty,going in an out of rooms and sat for hours during our Hari Raya open house.
  • She also has a potential of asking my husband to be her chaffeur and he shall be on call any time based on her needs and priority...but she always succeded in making her request sound so simple.
Should i let her to be in my house?....i guess...i shall lock the rooms and not buying any groceries for the week.

Still one question popped into my mind....Why the Hell she wanted to come to my apartment?...she was all out loud in front of her audience about me not being a good daughter in law and now she wants to go inside my apartment?...i smells something worst than just fish. reason.

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