Wednesday, November 24, 2010

cerebral activity...

when an idea or mindset is alien to you it will never work out.

this apply when we put such ideas :
'must be nice to people'
yet we never experience what it is like,in other words we were never nice to people (well admit it,we all have some kind of weakness in a way). We might be loud or blunt and yes that is the the contrary of being nice to people.

Putting such ideas into your mind will simply go blindly hitting the wall in front of you.
It simply don't work out...such ideas when its never been part of your routine or your characteristic will easily slip away from your mind or worst will conflicting with your own current feelings and makes you feel even awkward when meeting people, then you start stumble over a chair, spilling your drinks or ordering the wrong menu.

This may clash with the elements of 'Law of attraction'. As the subject itself encourage you to empower yourself on ideas that you prefer; that you want to attract. Such as you want better friends, then you have to stop thinking like you're previous friends and kept repeating such thoughts until it goes into your subconscious mind and bring result.
In shorter description of the law of attraction is only think what you want and never think of what you don't want.
But, that is more of a general substance, when we talk about specifically on character or behavior to be exact, it don't always work.

I guess one should be specific on implementing ideas into their mind for example when we need some change in our attitude and wish to be more fond of people, when we realize we are not such person but decided that this change is good for us, then we may start with something more precise such as :
'i should QUIT being hostile to people'
that can be a beginning :). But to enhance the power and strength of the idea itself, note that the word 'QUIT' is in bold an cerebral activity you may repeat that idea in your head while focusing on the QUIT, but never ever overlook the very content of it which is QUIT being hostile.
Perhaps its not guaranteed effective but it may become less alien to you, since you choose to relate such new ideas into your own unique individuality and mental constitution. I mean nobody knows ourself better than us...

Well, folks i think this idea worth a try...unless it's alien to you :)
Happy trying!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Ish! mahalnya harga Syurga…

Nak masuk syurga ni memang susah,nak kena solat 5 kali sehari, nak zikir, nak hormat orang tua,nak kena ikut cakap suami,nak solat Dhuha,Tahajjud…nak kena pakai tudung, nak kawal cakap,nak tahan marah…

Pokoknya memang susah…


Nak masuk Neraka..ahmboi...punyalah senang!

Malah, tak perlu usaha apa pun, semudah itu kita boleh lompat ke dalamnya! Tak payah nak buat apa ibadah, boleh marah,boleh berdendam, boleh membenci, boleh buat macam-macam maksiat! Tak perlu kawal perasaan, tak perlu ingat Allah sedikit pun…memang seronok!


Kalau la Neraka ni benda. Tau saja benda murah ni,tak ada kualiti,cepat rosak,bila rosak kena lagi beli baru,duit lagi...Paling teruk benda murah ni boleh memudaratkan, contohnya bila kita beli spare part kereta ciplak atau cikai..akibatnya accident!...maut.


Benda mahal pula kualiti dia tinggi, jangka masa ketahanan dia panjang ada tu sampai ‘life-time guarantee’ lagi.

Jadi…memang lah dugaan nak masuk Syurga,tu sangat lah besar dan sebab itu lah ibadah kita seharusnya tidak terkira banyaknya..tak payah kira pun, buat sebanyak yang mampu…ya lah kan...takut tak cukup.

Kita ni manusia, tak lari dari kesilapan...mungkin sejam dalam sehari pun tak bertahan daripada berbuat dosa. Maka dengan itu, kita cuba agak-agak timbangan dosa dan pahala tu condong sedikit ke arah pahala.

Sebab itulah sesetengah orang mengatakan ibadah ini umpama investment untuk ke syurga atau ‘investment  akhirat’.

Sama-samalah kita melakukan ibadah,menurut perintah dan laranganNya dan berjihad melawan nafsu.

(niat saya bukan untuk mengajar tetapi sekadar menghidupkan amar maruf nahi mungkar,mohon maaf sekiranya ada ketidaksenangan translate : apologies for any inconvenience :)...Hasil nukilan ini pun adalah kesan daripada pembacaan buku-buku,artikel-artikel dan lagu-lagu agama)

Monday, November 22, 2010

when im not busy on...

negative thinking pattern.

yeeeaaaa, we'll go back to that sooner or later, but i would like to write something about 'what'..a mix of much what I've been doing currently' the hobby,faith and mindset i upheld for the time being...

yesterday my husband gave me The Look for creeping under the bridge at a strange place while im exploring and experiencing on how to catch a blur effect on the water...
this morning i promised that 'i will not show any act of hostility towards my children(yeah that includes screaming and yelling darlings)
and i discovered the new album from Sami Yusuf.

and now it all sums up to one Agenda ; i need to find a job
1) more liberty in travelling on Saturdays and Sundays to experiment photography...i mean without a job what kind of excuse i manage to come up for my mom in law to babysit my kids.(jobless,sitting at home and a mum of two..."Err...Ma, i need to take some photos by the bay? back in 5 hours ^^..."...she'll hate me in silence...period)
2)being away from home actually has its benefit, your kids will appreciate you more....In a way!...i mean this statement does not include if you're a type of person who is nurturing, soft-spoken and your hobby is..children and your diet consist of home-made cuisine with the possibility of redundancy. But, if you have certain visions of travelling to exotic places while your husband is the semi-paid blue collared government probably thinking searching for other resources is essential.
3)im planing to visit down town to the House of Islam store to purchased (wit me own money)the original Sami Yusuf and Maher Zain CD..instead of being cheeky and downloaded it for free.

to enhance the meaning of this blog post let me share with you some tips on I Luv Islam article, when you're sad,anxious, (in my case)deranged the tips are :
1) reciting Allah
3)Occupied yourself with something(that explains the Agenda above)
4)Express yourself via writing blogs(that triggers me to write today :D )
5)Smile...(the only missing today...will work on it soon!)

and so my friends let us pursue in making ourself live this life completely and happily :)
All the Best folks!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Quotes : the summation of thoughts (revised #1)

~moment of certainty will never work your hardest and Best!~
~-Forgive is easy...but to forget is not easy, yet..its easier to forget so that the next time it is repeated the hurt felt like the first time rather than the second time adds up to injury of such as 'fool me once,shame on you.Fool me twice,shame on me'
~during negative thinking infestation...even your logic side of brain will cheat on you. a Component....But,

~‎'to reach for another,
is to risk involvement.

but...risk if you must,
for the greatest risk risk nothing at all'

i guess vigilant is the best traits we all need to have to avoid being taken advantage or get hurt....again...juz a thought :)

~Significance ; Here i come!

~Nobody's Perfect!

~Commitment is such a scary thing...but when you have it, you won't turn back on anything

~we act ourselves into feeling not feeling ourselves into action

~in life, there's no real security-only oppurtunity

~I believe in Kindness!God is Good!I love God!

~yg baik itu dari Allah,yg buruk itu dari saya sendiri

~how to get along with people : tell them what they want to a rockstar you a goody person you bless them...

~self esteem = is the degree of how much you love your ownself...regardless of your own ugliness and charm :)

~ppl who cannot avoid minor dissapoinments...may looks fragile yet these ppl are the ones that can avoid major dissapointments = ppl who can avoid minor dissapointments may ended up in major be short be willing to hurt a little here and there or you may be hurt deeper and in longer run.

~time is precious and best spent with your loved ones

~its not about how happy you are, its about doing the right thing; that is being Happy!

~you only given ONE life,whatchoo gonna do with it?

~I'm not the greatest; I'm the double greatest. Not only do I knock 'em out, I pick the round. -Muhammad Ali- ~

~di mulakan dgn bismillah di sudahi dgn alhamdullilah bgt la sehari dlm hidup kita mudah2an di rahmati Allah-Raihan-

~Ingat lima perkara, sebelum lima perkara ,Sihat sebelum sakit,Muda sebelum tua, kaya sebelum miskin ,Lapang sebelum sempit ,Hidup sebelum mati-Raihan-

~nothing is too late for anything good

~slandering has a rebounce effect ; if you don't want people to slander you behind your back, try to talk about other ppl as little as you can behind their the words of the wise ; if you have nothing nice to say ; shut up.

~believe it or not ; being selfless is a great motivator to have a fulfilled life.(stops us from being vain of our own self/thinking for the benefit of others blocks us from seeing all our own dissatisfaction).

~If people are stupid,its not your fault;so don't feel bad

~i found that reflection is the best part of motivation ; each time others commit a mistake, ask yourself 'what about me?am i like that?'you'll soon to realize your own level of decency...and you no longer feel bad towards them let alone about your ownself.

~work with your heart,passion and talent at its best and you'll never live in vain.As human,when we are insecure of how good we are. We will precedes into our excellence and still not knowing about how well we've done...And that is the essence of 'The Flow' ; The neurobiology of Excellence.

~sharing ; flamboyant as it may is Love.

~Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.” ~ Oscar Wilde

~As parents, our children is like a mirror ; they reflect on how we treat others...literally.

~ever wonder when you do your 'business' in the toilet your tears flows through your eyes? is actually triggered by our subconscious mind whereby it commit an action and sense of release similar to a an emotional trauma through sadness and grievance.We cry to let go of negative emotion and therefore when our body release toxic's from our body our body system automatically release 'fake' tears as a results of absolution.

~Whatever u give a woman, she will make it greater. Give her sperm, she will give u a baby. Give her a house, she will give u a home. Give her groceries, she will give u a meal. Give her a smile n she will give u her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what she is given. So if u give her crap, be ready to receive a o.........f shit...

~Positive Thinking ; Too large for worry,too noble for anger,too strong for fear and too happy to permit the presence of trouble

~the world does not revolve around you ; You revolve around the world. So spare the world your vanity.

~perhaps some reason why people are unhappy is because they don't know WHAT makes them happy

~and when it comes to decision-making,she became the knights of the shining Armour and he's the damsel in distress.

~for some ppl marriage is the 'leap of their life' ; the biggest risk they ever take and for some ppl marriage is just one of the various path in life they gotta taste...and there my friends you could see the obvious difference between man and woman towards their selection of decision

~to learn to forgive others; one must learn 'what' is love and compassion first.Forgiveness is the highest degree of Love and compassion...

~when life gives you a lemon...make lemonades out of it...(and please don't just squirt it to others eyes...)

~Im blind + you're deaf = Happiness in Marriage

~i don't worry about my circumstances...i create them ;-- Law of Attraction simplified. -Anonymous-

~Excellent Customer Service is how well you grant your own Self -Esteem....its that easy!When you feel good others feel good too!

~"What other people think of you is none of your business"...- now that's Positive Thinking and purely high Self-Esteem.

~your job does not cost you your no speeding while driving...regardless if its Monday or flooded or you already late...:)

~people who always complaint things,slander others and frequently agitated although how well they justified themselves is in truth and deeply having a bigger attitude problem within their own selves.

~im not rich(i probably never will) not poor(has never been my goal) just HAPPY!

~in every adversity, it is actually a BLESSING in disguise

~"don't blame me, the road ahead is so straight till i don't realize im not making any progress"...hence my friends be thankful if you have a twisted road ahead, for you never know,each turning point might be your next BIG thing! many twist and turns?! imagine how much BIG things you could get!!!

~“Anyone can become angry - that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way - this is not easy.”-Aristotle-

~problem gives you insights and perspective,therefore be thankful if you get loads of 'em as you will get abundance of insights and perspectives.

~procrastination and complaining has the same function...they make your life even worst

~gotta be thankful regardless of any circumstances in your life even if it seems to be a disadvantages, because if we try to avoid it in any way especially in a demeaning manner, it will always catches up with us again and worst in an even more demeaning event. What happened to you is for a reason. Try to dodge will only caused more complications.

~stick and stones may hurt my bones(but not words...not words)

~you can 'buy' happiness,you actually pay for it..but it only applies to one particular currency called : Time

~Happiness is not just feeling, but also a sentiment ; applied into one's mind will enhance emotion though not necessarily material but nevertheless promote joyfulness in one's heart and soul and that will produce a smile on one's face regardless how poor or disappointed a person can be.

~with the right Mind, the right Tool and the right TIME...anything is possible!

~ its the energy that you radiates that will dramatized your surrounding

~don't get confuse between happiness and sorrow, if he can offer you happiness don't consider him as apart of your sorrow, if they give you sorrow don't expect them to offer you happiness

~heart is the core...

~jangan kau takut kerana susah...jangan kau menangis kerana perit...jangan kau tewas ketika diduga...:)

~a person who can have Extreme Anger is also the person who can have Powerful Resilience..Joan of Arc, Braveheart may say that's a myth and legends, but try to google into Ted Bundy, Jeffrey Dahmer and Richard Ramirez. They have endured long and painful court trials,life imprisonment until of course they were killed or punished...and for some their resilience last.

~anger is like standing on one feet, if you do not have good control of will fall

~in a relationship : Women fell in love with their ears. Men fell in love with their eyes

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

It was raining and I have no job, but I have a hobby and im not miserable..:)

Aah~ its one of those days when I can sit an write as my mom in law is taking care of my kids, we chatted a while ago about which and which flavor of instant noodle and my kids kept calling me from the lounge and..yes I ignored them.

So here I am ‘screening’ through other’s Facebook pages and admiring photos and feeling all weird looking at some people statuses…I mean why do you write things in a spelling that hard to read?...i mean status is about making a point right.

Facebook status is like car stickers…it’s a statement, its either funny, sarcastic or entertaining but most of all it should be literate.

some chic got fired due to adding their bosses in FB

So my kids just went into the room inviting me over to share their instant noodle, telling me how delicious it is and spicy…im amused but at some days like today my mind is up for some critical plans as to renew some legal papers and I was thinking to go down at the beach took some photos…capture the dimness of the rain…those kind of things...

But after spending almost an hour on Facebook I noticed a few things and it occur to me that what separates people who filled their 'Bio' & 'profile', 'favorite quotations' column in the FB profile and those who don't is not based on the sense of introvert and extrovert or privacy and expressive but simply those who bothered...:)

First impression of people who filled a long article of their bio or quotations is that ‘man this person’s should be a superstar’…and those who don’t ‘ok I may have to be courteous with this girl here, she don’t seem to share much about herself’…well, in my case I learned it the hard way.

So they didn’t fill them not because they are ignorant, secretive or quiet. But is probably simply because they do not have enough time and most of all..they choosed not to.

That’s thought of the day…one of those in my mind…and its still early! off…see what can be worn from my wardrobe…old and fashionless I guess..huh, its okay im not worried…

Okay the kids has started their normal routine of rummaging over the dressing table…just yesterday my daughter spill over the insect repellant on my dressing table…in other days I would have screamed at the top of my lung…but yesterday my in law is in the house so I believe they would appreciate some courtesy 


Saturday, October 9, 2010

Here’s a scenario…

A couple fight over the phone about a delayed date, the girl has been waiting for over an hour at a restaurant and later the guy called up and said he would only arrived later…much later and asked the girl to order her dinner ahead.

So they fought and in desperate and agitation the girl blurted out ;

“You know what, let’s just hang up.
I don’t want to talk to you and you’re not talking to me anyway.
You’re talking to yourself and expect my reaction based on your own convictions.”

Well the guy expect the girl would not get angry as he have given his most eligible excuse…of course she react oppositely!...we’re talking human here, with her own reasons and, believe it or not boys and gents…she too has her own convictions.

So moral of the story for you gentleman out there…THINK before you call her on the phone.
Do not made out speech that refer to your own situation J!...its dangerous…

Monday, October 4, 2010


I just came back from my road trip from KK all the way to Tawau just yesterday and it feels heavenly to be home. Im not saying that traveling is not interesting but as you move from one place to another you noticed that a lot of things is also not in order the way you usually had it…such as how they locate the lounge table or…how about that iron board that shouldn’t be there and just how about that baby basin that just hang over your head while doing your business in the toilet.

Moving from one relative house to another I have a lot of schemes in my head of what I would do if it happens to be my house including placing an anti-slippery floor cover also the best place to hang basins and even the schedule time for rubbish collecting.

No…im not saying that other’s is not as meticulous as I am…im saying how freaky I am in fighting dirt and dust….and Dust happens to be my worst enemy.
I am not much of a grooming person but when it comes to make your surrounding comfortable you can call me the ‘Dust- Buster’, I always had this saying which I quoted from Madonna ‘ Cleanliness is next to Godliness’...would you agree?

Above all places…Toilet has became my main focus…not shower room, not the lounge or balcony or the dressing room…but the Toilet.
To me…it is surprising when you could get so comfortable in your toilet until you could even sleep in it.

I am not so sure what Psychologist has to relate to the matter of toilet and character but based from my observation (a.k.a Assumption)…it has something to do with a lot of feelings…(see below)
To see a toilet in your dream, symbolizes a release of emotions. You need to get rid of something in your life that is useless. Seeing a toilet in your dream may also be a physical manifestation brought about by a full bladder. The dream is attempting to get you up and to the bathroom. If you are cleaning the toilet, then it means that you are starting to shed your outer wall or lose your inhibitions.
To see a clogged toilet in your dream, suggests that you are holding and keeping your feelings to yourself. Your emotions have been pent up too long and you need to let go of the negative feelings.
To see an overflowing or flooded toilet in your dream, denotes your desires to fully express your emotions

Surprisingly I survived 9 days and 8 nights without my own toilet…so you can tell how much repressed emotions I had…LOL!

And therefore ladies and gentlemen I strongly urge everyone to enhance the comfort of your own toilet as I believe a clean and convenient toilet is a symbol of healthy emotion release….(i know how it sounds…)…well yeah defecating is about the release of something right!’s removing of toxic from our body and so is releasing negative emotion from our mind.

I probably sound like a toilet expert but folks…but this might be something you want to look into as the coming of new year in 2 months time J…time to scrub off that dirts in the johnny …darlings!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

There is nothing wrong about chasing happiness…

Though at times it appear like we are trying to dodge away from difficulties while doing it.
Others may think we are trying to avoid something
Afraid to face challenges even truth and hideaway into the horizon of peacefulness…

Some regard it as being lazy
Secluded in a quiet place with cherries, chrysanthemum and apple pie!...

But, I mean this is chasing happiness in reality…not some kind of mental infestation of mere idyllic pure imagination.

This is going out to meet the sun, the rain, the nasty people, and the hurt and be happy about it.

Although others perspectives might bring you down but  this is really about working your way through difficulties and come out alive, happy, healthy and still with love and compassion…pure ones.

And though this may seem as a weakness; giving away something to benefit others….giving away our opportunity just to chase our happiness of mind…but at least it is not smeared with hypocrisy.

Hypocrisy is the meanest enemy in good relationship and so I’m going out and find my liberty in chasing happiness!

and...well... i'm gone find it :) :) :)

Sunday, August 8, 2010

i thought of you this morning...

some songs that will certainly gives you the feeling of..High...and Low...or...its the other way around...well 

'how could it be any other way'..:)

As I walk on down

I feel like a clown

In a circus of my own

Oh my cover is blown

Feel like I got a heart made of tin

I thought of you this morning

Well I sleep into a state

As I awake

Well I start to find

That I can't get your smoke out of my eyes

I guess I lose

I guess you win

I thought of you this morning

Well I think about all the other ways I could've played

All the other simple moves I could've made

All the other cards that I could've dealt

All the books I didn't read upon my shelf

All the other ways I could've sung my songs

I've realized that none of it wen't wrong

It was all play

How could it be any other way?

Now that the chains are off

I'm free to roam

Everywhere I go

I feel like I'm home

Nothing hides

Everything is shown

She is always with me

I'm never alone

I guess you lose

I guess I win

I thought of you this morning

How could it be any other way?

How could it be any other way?

How could it be any other way?

It was all play

How could it be any other way?

here's the link to the video!...nice...:

Monday, August 2, 2010

you cannot give what you don't have...

you can't forgive if you do not have forgiveness, 

you can't love if you are not loving, 

you can't make others happy if you're not happy...

all in all if one has no forgiveness,no love and no happiness...they're not making their self a favor dude....

this because one has to forgive oneself before able to forgive others,
one has to love one self before one could love others,
and one has to know how to make one self happy before knowing how to make others happy...

so above all...

forgive thyself,
love thyself
and be happy with thyself....

you are made out of the BEST from God's creation, have no fear and no doubt that you are doing exactly the BEST thing for your own self.

so folks...when you have it....don't be afraid to share...disperse the goodness and let everybody lighten by it :)

i wish we have a 'Forgiveness Day' every month or at least every week...but i bet if it happens the world will stop spinning and you won't be seeing hungry people, stray animals and stranded soul...sad but....its Life.

Yet, let this not bother you or hinder you from spreading God's miracle in being able to offer a smile when in pain, when we are able to inspire despite our own adversity and when we never give up when there seems to be like no tomorrow.

May God Bless you and....reward yourself with abundance so you are able to share the blessings.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

When we all say that we’re okay...

Do we really mean it?. Maybe we do…but do we really felt that way, maybe we do?..or don’t.

I have noticed; after a few successful spontaneous projects (such as taking a sudden leave from work and made the event meaningful)that I am good at planning and scheming.
Now I have a lot of plans and projects in my mind, I do write it into paper or at least save the documents in my desktop, and honestly it makes me feel good! How can you not if you know what you’re going to do next and not heading into confusion and unwanted surprise J
But,… do I really live up to that plans?...maybe yes, maybe not.
So, for me at times I’m feeling okay and I told others I do…simply because I’m making plans and I thought I can always go back those list and simply execute on my next action…but is it easy?...maybe yes, maybe not.
So…we could be telling others what we thought we know…what we couldn’t tell others is what we really know because it will simply damage our reputation or simply brings everybody down….
Not many people like the naked truth…that’s why it doesn’t happen often.
But I guess at times like this, when we doubt our own answer towards others and we doubt our own decision, choices and ability…we may need to stop thinking for awhile, stop justifying and simply sooth our self that, we have seen this challenges before…what did we do about it, maybe we can’t remember…but what’s important is that. We are still here.
So live this moment folks!...nobody says its gonna be easy J ; Life is.
Just as much as a baby sees the world as frightening but full of surprises…we could took example of their spirit…we used to be like that…but in time we forget due to hectic daily activities, we forgotten to regard the world as simply a place to learn, to fall, to cry, to be scared, to laugh, to trust, to strive through.
And I look at my daughter…I can’t help but smile and slowly the realization starts to creeps into me that…with courage…anything is possible!
God Bless All!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

We all get nervous sometimes...

Nervous not only during crucial time, or during panic circumstances, not just only when we fell in love.
Not only when we are anticipating; some good ol’ thing.

To some extend, we could get nervous even when we are about to meet our epitome of grief.
A darkness feeling creeps over our soul and attacks our conscious, causing us to judge in imbalance and causing misconception, misunderstanding even distrust.

At other times these fear of grief and disappointment drag us to become so alone in our mind with all useless thoughts of vengeance and hatred.
Caused us to misjudged the situation and pull us deeper into a world of depression.
Sometimes makes us lazy, sometimes makes us Indifferent.

It even convinces us that we become a person that could never able to forgive and forget.
It makes us blame ourself, blame our parents, how we were brought up…other times makes us doubt at our own kindness and integrity.
Makes us even hate and hurt our ownself.

Due to mix feeling of guilty and confusion, it creates a new personality for us.
A nervous, tactless and helpless individual.
Sad and alone,
Abandoned and left out in this huge planet.

Not lost yet; full of hopes, unreachable, wishful.

with GOD’S help, I believe we could find our way out from this cave.
From the grip of this Relic of uncomfortable ness.

Maybe we can just linger in our determination.
Not feeling any guilt.
Silently wipe off the comments behind..
Persistent in our goals.

That will solve all our issue and curiosity.
Giving us a good night sleep.
A satisfying working day.
A laughing family.

What more could I ask for.
By clearing out these weeds from my minds, then I am able to focus on my attention to be what I should be.

And leaving a legacy of a person with integrity, passion and wisdom.

With GOD’S help, this I believe I can achieve.J.

Monday, July 26, 2010

the tombstone of legacy

just the other day i went back to my old town Sandakan, located by the east Coast of Sabah, Malaysia it was home for the wild animals such as primates like the Orang Utan, Proboscis monkeys and Hornbills bird.
mostly people live in Sandakan either work in tourism, fishing and oil palm and of course including other jobs.
Food in Sandakan are the BEST! at least for my personal opinion, if you're a big fan of chicken noodle with fried ground peanuts and thick gravy rice cube with meat then..yeah you're in the same band wagon as me.

i went away for three days for an exotic gateway to Sandakan...turns out to be a reminiscing moment that wear my husband away when each streets i stop over and brief him the history how i passed that alley every morning to work, how i grew up there, how my sandal broke at that bus station or the houses i used to i used to eat...pretty much exotically bore him away.

But what struck me most about this trip is about...Legacy.

it was really a striking coincidence when we went away to Sandakan, my in laws were going to held a gathering. In Malay we call it 'Kenduri' direct translation will be eating tomato chicken or chicken with dates, or some other chicken cooks with something, banana, watermelon, talking about the olden days, or about someone who just got married(or nowadays who just got divorced *o*) but most importantly is the group prayer.
Every time its near the Ramadhan the fasting season the elders will held the Kenduri to commemorates their parents or uncle,aunt or any family relatives who has passed away. Most of the time will be their own parents.
So while we're in Sandakan they called us and said they're coming to held the event at another family relative house.

and so my mom in law bought the whole market (so my father in law reported) and start cooking.

I don't cook...i don't have much to say about the other member of the family either so i'm not the best gossip partner :) and i went away finding excuses to escape and 'Kapow' the idea comes right in! i followed my husband to the cemetery of his grandmother.

My first thought is getting away from chopping shallots and ginger but when i have arrived at the cemetery my husband gave me advise before entering...we will be careful with our steps and try not to step over but at times there is not much ground to step on so we may need to walk over at some graves. At that moment my mindset change...this is not some playground.
illustration by internet

As i walking over i saw a lot of the graveyard being built inside a stack of cement or bricks and decorated by colorful tiles giving the impression of a monument. My husband told me that actually its not a very excellent idea as the cemetery were built on the hillside and adding heavy bricks and too much cement may only caused the soil to sink.

i read the tombstones along the way but those that i remember most is a boy who only live for 8 years and what touches me the most is a little crypt with pink tiles...the baby only live for three days.

soon we arrived to the family graveyard,they were built next to each other and my father in law start to scheme his plan to built a cement few inch higher all around the graves and clean all the dead leaves and sticks.
we offer our  prayers while pulling out grasses on top of the grave and remove other dirts to the side and i was already with my plans of how we could clean the debris without putting it over other people graves and all the while i came to realize...

my mom in law spent few hundreds for the cost..the energy and my father in law was making plans to improvise the family graves and with all the hundreds graves with bricks, cement and some has become to look like a feels odd.

honestly, they're ...underground, dead. They wouldn't be impressed just how ever their graves looks like. Most importantly the prayers that is being offer...not the material stuff or the fine dine.

After awhile i noticed that this probably has something to do with our (human) own fear of deaths. Its like when i die..i would want people to gather and remember me, i would want my cemetery being look after. If i don't do this and that to my elders, my kids won't do it for me also...even after i'm dead i still want to be respected...its almost like a legacy.

but through the actions of my parents in law and just as much as their relatives or anyone that lives the same community as them. They are showing some fear of death...everything has got to be rush in.

i mean don't we all?
when i died; remember me, while i live; i gotta finish such and such duties.

My husband beginning to show a symptom of planing with the cost and we drive home where the Kenduri was held.
Everybody ate and soon trays of food start being distributed to neighbors while we pack our things and getting ready to take the bus home that night.

Isn't culture a wonderful thing, it simply brings people together...and how about legacy. Have you thought about any? about your cemetery?would you like blue or green tiles?

i thought about my own legacy...a bigger part of it is about inspiring and enriching others...but i haven't thought about the colors of my cemetery tiles :)

it doesn't matter how you would want your legacy to be...but its gotta be good. After all we do not inherited this earth from our elders we simply borrow this earth...from our children.

well, have fun planing and scheming your legacy!Have a great life and teach your children to pray for you as they will add their own good values while doing it. :)

Monday, July 19, 2010

quick info on Cervical Cancer

Ladies...and husbands, these are valuable info for yourself and loved ones. Prevention is better than cure.

HPV infection

Human papilloma virus or HPV is the major cause of cervical cancer. There are many different types of HPV. It is sometimes called the genital wart virus as some types of HPV cause genital warts. In fact, the types that cause warts are not the types that cause cervical cancer. But there are other types of HPV that are considered 'high risk' for cancer of the cervix. HPV is passed on from person to another through sexual contact.
Women who get cervical cancer have had past infections with HPV. High risk types of HPV can cause changes in the cells covering the cervix that make them more likely to become cancerous in time. But most women infected with these viruses do NOT develop cervical cancer. So other factors must also be needed.

Other risks

Women who smoke are more likely to get cervical cancer than those who do not. Taking the pill could increase a woman’s risk of cervical cancer. It is not clear why this is. Women with a weakened immune system are also more likely to get cervical cancer, as are those who have had a large number of children.

 Every year in Malaysia, 1,493 women become part of the statistics with 766 succumbing to the disease. 

You can get screening tests that can find early signs of cervical cancer before you ever get sick.  That way, problems can be found and removed before they ever become cancer. The Pap test and HPV test are cervical cancer screening tests.

So….do the pap smear at least once a year!In Malaysia you can go to any government-fund clinic (Hospital Ibu dan anak) and its for FREE!

Also here’s the link for chemical food that considered carcinogen :

God Bless all and let us live a healthy life!

liberate my madness

I was so ready for liberty..i kept talking about that…when I go to the the shopping complex..passing exclusive restaurants, passing children’s outfit boutique…in my kitchen…while hanging laundry…I even thought about it while doing my business in the toilet.
Well to me it brings various meaning…from being financially free to a time for myself being alone away from Ayman’s scream and Tara’s tearful cries…also from my nagging husband(about his car of course)…
Sad but true…liberty is TOO expensive for me…now it sounds like liberty is equals to my personal happiness. I understand that you CAN ‘buy’ happiness, you just have to pay for it with a particular currency called Quality time (I use to regard it simply as time…but as I observe how things turn around these days…including my experience seeing my husband’s ‘pondering’ expression while im talking to him and turns out that he Does Not remember a single word I said!..Interesting!and that what motivates me to improvise the term as ‘Quality’ Time)
I’ve been screaming these sentiments in my head for the past one week…you may relate that to my previous blog about…how hard life is. Thank God I am not suicidal haha..i doubt I’d be able to success doing it somehow…I have too much emotion and worries till im afraid to die…haha!who will fix my broken kitchen floor…who will feed my kids?...i  just have a lot to worry about and death is not a solution!
I probably choked on the pills and regret trying to swallow it anyway..or how about jumping off a building…well I probably get sued by police and fire department for bringing up a ruckus for them to blow the siren and fix me…and I probably stumble over the floor and lose my strength to jump off the 5th floor….
Or if i even try to stop breathing, bite my tongue or whatever…my kids probably screaming at the top of their lung to call out on me till I can’t stand the volume and get up and fix their dinner….why of course while nagging…and smashing things around…
I guess if I try to kill myself my husband probably asks…”what’s wrong with you?”…well my husband…some days he live with me with his mind and conscience but most of the time..his body is around but his mind is swimming up there in cloud 9…he probably didn’t notice how depress I was…at times.
So how do I fix myself in relate to my Liberty…I mean why do I need Liberty anyway?...well the fact that it makes us feels good enjoying the reaps of your own labor and brings out the very  true meaning of freedom. Somehow, this issue may not relate to this stage of life that im currently in.
My kids are still in growing stage when tantrum is such a normal thing and my career is still considered to be in the medium stage.
Liberty is madness during difficult times but with faith and belief in the old say “delayed gratification” one will not lose their head over a temporary affliction.
Perhaps coveting for a liberty is not the right action at the moment…right now the kind of help I need is simply a diversion from this idea….oh well then, I may need to switch to that NEW pocket taco combo from KFC…or maybe over the newest scarf trend in town!

It looks like…L.i.b.e.r.t.y has to wait ….T_T