March 2010

A washing machine will determine whether i would get a raise or not.

this has gotta be one of the not-so-good time in my career life at this company... a washing machine will then improves my chances of getting an increment.

It was interesting as i was never being brief that i ought to buy mechanical stuff for the company itself...i was not being warned about the risk of being blame for a malfunction electrical items.

If i don't go out in the sun during these hot March of 2010 and walk by foot to get to the bus station and later took a bus to another complex about 20 minutes away from where i work itself...in a local bus with a risk of standing up with a bunch of stinky and possibly pick-pocket and later to survey...just for a survey for the most special, exceptional, perfect and miraculously cheap washing machine. Still there is no guarantee that they will agree on my suggestion.

Once i lay it out they will probably simply reject and thank me for doing exactly things they wouldn’t do for they know it is not necessary anyway. Clearly they know i am not experience and probably i have a bad taste anyway, but! They still send me out because they pay me to be their dog for fetching bones...yeah!just for fun!throw the bone and the doggy will come right back only to request them to throw the bone away again..it is fun watching people do chores for your own amusement i gotta say...and these people…SLEEPS AT NIGHT.....with the little money they pay me and the tremendous job i did...they…sleeps at night.

I am not just simply angry, i am not just frustrated. I am heart-broken. I did well and i know it. My family knows the sacrifice i did. My friends know the grievances i have endured. I know how to appreciate therefore i know when people do not appreciate. I am a hater and yes i can notice another fellow hater. I kept hearing this excuses that if i do not perform then i will not get a raise and suddenly the method of performing in my job may promptly shifted to something else

And every time when it comes to increment; the level of performance will simply change into something that they automatically or abruptly desire as quick as a wink. Without alarm..my appointment letter with all the list of task become outdated and another task magically appear from nowhere that i am entitle to do a particular unrelated-to-job-position task and that if i refuse to commit, there goes my increment down the drain.

Most people won't do it. One is because they know it when they are being fooled. Two is that its a strenuous commitment and Three, you feed their lasciviousness and they will yearn for more and you will be forever stuck as an old dog under your cruel and selfish master feet.

Dictatorship you may call it…slavery some people call it...stupid to whom that follow...but i say it is reason to survive that keeps them there. They wouldn’t care if i have two kids, they wouldn’t care if i have a life and they don't. They wouldn’t care.

The saddest part of all is that i felt like i have no choice...if i quit, how am i be able to feed my kids, to save enough money for their education, to have enough money for clinics and food. If i stay, i am deteriorating and i know it will fall back to my kids, family, work colleague and friends, in the end if i stay, i get nothing but bad feeling for i know they will never change their way and i will have no place to go. They will not recognize my contribution that i know deep within my heart, I’ve see what happens in others and I am no fool.

Through the end, i think im just gonna play along for a little while, and i believe there will soon be a reward waiting for me for all that i have endured. I believe that Allah S.W.T is baking something very special for me in the oven and i know when it happen there will be no more turning back into this tragic condition of living the minority life with pay that sucks and work loads that is never adequate to earn an appreciation either via salary increment or any sorts of gratification.