Thursday, May 12, 2011

Would you consider a….’scandal?’

I asked my husband the other day while we were window shopping for a new vacuum cleaner whether he would believe me if I were to tell him or if he found out by himself that I have an affair.
With his usual nonchalant expression he respond ; no.

I am puzzled for a second whether to feel flattered or flabbergasted.

Flattered : because that would mean im still eligible and..err attractive?
Flabbergasted : because then he wouldn’t bother if im around or not…

And as usual I become the pusher and asked him whether he would go against me towards the affair or will he go amok and such…calmly he replied that he would happily let me go and wish my happiness but with one condition the kids stays with him and with that I laughed out loud.

That has gotta be his honest impression and answer.

Well I explained to him; then he will not stand a chance…because I impregnate those kids 9 months each and I have struggle through life and death during childbirth and I risk my career, reputation and freedom for my kids. Looks like he’s gonna stuck with me for a long time since its always a vice versa between us. If he could do that, I could do that too and so its going to be a merry go round between us ^_^

Well as a normal person I do hope we could establish true feelings between us ; that kind of thing where people vow their loyalty to each other and promise not to love another for the rest of their life.
I wish it could be that simple, but matrimony is a LOT like a proposition. Its give and take…and if its only taking then it really is about human rights violation such as wife being abuse mentally and physically regardless directly or unconsciously.
I think we all need to respect marriage as a more like a proposition rather than about all love and romance and drown in feelings and extended into injustices and negligence.
So what if your husband threats you, you can threat them back regardless in joking matter or even dead serious.
Harsh…but its fair for both party and I believe the percentage of that marriage to last in happiness is higher.
Although some people stays in marriage never divorce, doesn’t mean that they’re all happy and fulfilled, some suffer in silence due to a victim of affair, some deprived from love and sentiments and some dwell in codependency for a dangerous amount of time…

Honestly I do not know how to keep my marriage from breaking apart by giving in and being sanguine…I just had this wild idea that Men has got to accept that women does know what they’re doing, feeling and saying and not easily corrupted by the traditional mindset of men being the chauvinistic.

I…love my husband ^_^. Love him enough to express my meaning in a crystal-clear way.
But, honestly I do not know for sure what he thinks of me…probably some loud, 48kg (almost 50kg) female who talks around the house while doing house chores and the one to call when he need some thoughts on last minute subject.

But honestly?...i don’t know, no one knows…only God knows.

Would I consider an affair just to get myself out of the silence abuse in negligence or just to get a kick in feeling romance again you know the kind of thing to spice up your life again…

Like I said…no one knows only God knows but…as I am at clear-headed ambiance this month…I could not do so…maybe I could…its simple! Men falls in love with their eyes, while women fell in love with their ears!...see how simple that is?!

But could i?...
Could I pretend that my kids can accept this new guy as their dad?
Could I pretend that I have other kids with someone else and borne new ones?!

I don’t think I could…beside I came to really like this 3 people in my life…hahaha…
Everyday in and out my children talks about their dad, looking for their dad, cry and call dad…think my kid is stupid?..calling some other guy different in height, skin color and voice “Dad”…

Would I betray my kids trust that me as mom will ensure their happiness the minute they are born into this world?

Would I lie to my own feelings about the guy that used to take my breath away and look at someone else in the eyes and said…”this is that guy”…damn…that really sound stupid as it looks…

And then came Death….will I totally forgotten this guy or will I regret the choice I made and said…I could’ve work harder and he could’ve been by my side, holding my hands and whisper to my ear “we did it”…

I couldn’t…because the moment I choose him I already told myself you are throwing yourself in one big mess and don’t you dare to turn back…hahaha!

I really do not think scandal is a solution to marriage nightmares…I believe in proposition and as vain as it might be we all has something to offer and with value, be brave, be very brave to speak out but above all…hinder from hidden agenda and keep the relationship transparent.

As an old Chinese saying “if a relationship has to be a secret…then don’t be in it”

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